Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?

Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.

Is permissible to include a will requesting that a Holy Qur'an buried along with me?

It is not permissible to include a will requesting that a Quran be buried with the deceased in their grave. This is because the body of the deceased typically decomposes and may release impure substances, and it is not allowed to expose the Quran to impurity. Intentionally desecrating the Quran is an act of disbelief. Instead, read the Quran during your lifetime, as it will benefit you after death. And Allah Knows Best.

The supplication: "O Allah, we do not ask You to avert the decree, but we ask You for kindness in it." Is this Supplication Halal or Haram?

We are obliged to supplicate Allah, so when supplicating we comply with Allah's Ordainments, and making supplications that are reported in the authentic texts is better. And Allah Knows Best. 

How are those killed in wars punished with the torment of the grave if they are not buried?