Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?
Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.
Is it permissible for household members to pool money for the Udhiyah and gift it to one of them?
Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our master, the Messenger of Allah.
It is permissible for members of a household to pool their money together and gift the total amount to one individual among them so that he may offer the sacrifice (Udhiyah). In this case, the family members receive the reward for giving charity (Sadaqah), and the one performing the sacrifice includes them in the spiritual reward (Thawab).
Furthermore, slaughtering a single sheep (on one's own) is considered religously better than participating as one of seven people in the sacrifice of a cow or a camel. And Allah the Almighty knows best.
Is it incumbent on the fiancée to obey her fiancé?
When the woman settles in her husband`s house, it is incumbent on him to provide for her and it is incumbent on her to obey him. Before that, and if the marriage contract had been concluded, then she is lawfully his wife and thus she should abide by custom in treating him, but if the marriage contract hadn`t been concluded, then she should treat him as a non-Mahram (Marriageable).
Is it permissible to give to the poor from among the People of the Book from the Udhiyah?
Praise be to Allah, and prayers and peace be upon our Master the Messenger of Allah.
It is permissible to give to the poor among the People of the Book from a voluntary sacrifice (uḍḥiyyat taṭawwuʿ), just as it is permissible to give charity (ṣadaqah) to them. This opinion is a view (wajh) within the Shāfiʿī school, which was favored by al-Muḥibb al-Ṭabarī and Imam al-Nawawī. [See: Ḥāshiyat Ibn Qāsim al-ʿAbbādī ʿalā Tuḥfat al-Muḥtāj (Vol.9/P.365)]. And Allah Almighty knows best.