Is Iddah (waiting period) incumbent on an old woman whose husband had died?

Upon the death of the husband, Iddah is incumbent on the wife regardless of their age. And Allah Knows Best.

What is the best charity to offer on behalf of the deceased? Is it giving food, reciting Quran, giving money or supplicating? What is the best charity to offer on behalf of dead father and dead husband? What is the best continuous charity to offer on behalf of the deceased?

Praise be to Allah the Lord of the Worlds. The deceased benefits from every righteous deed offered on his/her behalf, be that continuous charity, reciting Quran or a pious son praying for him/her. However, the best righteous deed is performing Haj and Omrah on their behalf especially if he/she hadn`t performed that ritual for it remains a debt on them. The evidence on this is that Ibn 'Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) reported: A man came to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and said: "Messenger of Allah, my mother has died (in a state) that she had to observe fasts of a month (of Ramadan). Should I complete (them) on her behalf? Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said: Would you not pay the debt if your mother had died (without paying it)? He said: Yes. He (the Holy Prophet) said: The debt of Allah deserves more that it should be paid."{Related by Muslim}. And Allah the Almighty knows best.

What is the ruling on staring at the Holy Ka'abah?

All perfecy praise be to Allah, The Lord of The Worlds and may His Peace and Blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all of his family and companions.

Staring/looking at the Holy Ka'abah is an act of worship even if this took place while performing a prayer, since Al-Baihaqee stated that the Prophet (PBUH) said: " Staring at the Holy Ka'abah is an act of devotion." [Sho'aab Al-Imaan]. And Allah Knows Best.

Is it permissible for a woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law?

It is forbidden for the woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law because he isn`t a Mahram (unmarriageable) of hers.