Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?
Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.
Is it permissible for a woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law?
It is forbidden for the woman to shake hands with her brother-in-law because he isn`t a Mahram (unmarriageable) of hers.
Is it permissible for a wife to give her money to her family as a charity, or a gift without asking her husband, or seeking his consent?
The wife has the right to give her money as a charity, or a gift to her family, or to other people after consulting her husband out of respect, and this is the meaning of treating on footing of kindness and equity. Therefore, if he wanted to stop her from helping her family, then there is no harm in not telling him.
What is the ruling on the ablution of one who washes his arms from the wrist to the elbows?
In the school of Imam al-Shafi'i (may Allah have mercy on him), washing the arms (hands) is achieved by washing the arms completely, from the fingertips to the elbows. Washing only the palms at the beginning is insufficient, as washing them at the beginning is a Sunnah, but after washing the face, it becomes obligatory (fard). The person performing ablution must wash his palms along with the arms after washing the face. If he does not wash his palms, his ablution is invalid and not correct. And Allah the Almighty knows best.