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How to Protect our Children from Disobeying us (Parents)
Author : Dr. Hassan Abu_Arqoub
Date Added : 15-12-2022

How to Protect our Children from Disobeying us (Parents)

 

In an age where material love overshadowed people`s mentalities and behavior, and man worked assiduously to secure the basic necessities of life and luxuries-which could be dispensed with-have turned into essentials, parents spent most of their time working to enrich family`s well-being.

 

This led to changing the role of parents from raising children to fulfilling their desires. In other words, parents have turned into cash dispensing machines.

 

The result is that parent-child relationship has broken down because they rarely see each other and the parents are busy working to make money to support their children. Therefore, the connection between them has weakened, the children just carry the name of their parents, parents have to meet the demands of their children to make them happy and not feel inferior to their peers. The emotional connection between both have become almost non-existent and harsh treatment became a salient feature since a child`s love to his father or mother became contingent on their fulfilling his/her desires. This is conditional love since it doesn`t come from a heart that feels grateful to the individuals (Father & Mother) who were a reason for his/her existence and gave their lives for his/her happiness. Similarly, parents started measuring the degree of their love to their children according to the extent of fulfilling the desires of the latter.

 

Children have become selfish thinking that they deserve everything for themselves and that it is the duty of the parents to fulfill their desires, even if the parents get sick or exhausted since, from their perspective, this is no excuse.

 

Thus, parents lost contact with their children and knew just a little about their personal lives. They are under the impression that their child lives happily because they have bought him/her a phone, for instance, and that he/she needs nothing. However, the important question here is that what will a child do if left alone with a smart phone, an iPad, a laptop or a big amount of money? None knows the answer to this but Allah.

The child starts doing what he/she desires becoming susceptible to diversion. Bad companions automatically assumed the role of the parents, since nature abhors a vacuum, and they steered the children the way they wanted. This way, the parents willingly give up their key role embodied in educating and guiding children.

 

There is no iota of doubt that the solution to this calamity is present and easy. We have to acquaint ourselves with it to protect our children, our society, and ourselves since the family is the first building block. From my personal perspective, the solution is as follows:

 

Emotional Fulfillment

 

It is necessary that parents fulfill the emotional needs of their children. They can do this through sitting with them, saying to them words of love and affection, hugging, kissing, listening to them, and trying to find solutions to their problems. This is in order for the child not to grow up emotionally needy and try to make up for emotions through attachment to material things, but this is in vain, since feelings and emotions can`t be replaced with material things.

 

We have to Say No

 

Parents aren`t required to work day and night to fulfill the desires of their children. This is because parents can simply say no to their children. This word is shocking and may drive a child to boycott his/her, parents, weep, show sadness or even have the audacity to tell a parent that he/she is the worst father or mother in the world and that other parents did so and so to their children, or he/she feels inferior to his/her peers under you. Don`t bother, and say no. Tell them that the things they want aren`t a priority and not with its already limited budget. This way the child learns an important role and that is not all demands can be fulfilled. This is a an important role in life and is a universal tradition since one can`t get everything he/she wants, even parents don`t get everything they want and can`t achieve all their wishes and desires. Teaching this rule to your children at early age is the greatest gift ever.

 

Nothing is free

 

Parents may be able to fulfill the desires of their child but this doesn`t mean that they have to do it for free. Simply, they can take advantage of the situation and teach this child a new rule of life; that is nothing is for free for everything has a price. Therefore, it is a good idea to ask the child to achieve something to be worthy of his/her desire being fulfilled. For example, the girl can be asked to help her mother with the housework and taking care of her little brother for a week. Similarly, the son can be asked to water the plants, weed the grass, and wash the car for a week. Here lies three benefits:

First: Teaching children the important rule that there is nothing for free in life and that one has to give in order to take for this is just how life is. This lesson spares the child egocentrism and narcissism.

 

Second: Teaching children to cooperate in running family affairs since they are an integral part of the family and running home is a joint task. This is in addition to highlighting that he/she is a productive rather than a consumptive member of the family. By doing this, the child will be keen on keeping home neat and tidy since he/she will be asked to tidy it if he/she made it messy.

 

Third: Since a girl will one day get married and be responsible for her own house, she has to be taught how to run house affairs. Similarly, a son will one day be responsible for a family of his own, so he has to learn fixing things and taking care of the house. Here lies the excellent opportunity for this very reason: work not for free but for getting what you want and learn.

 

Values and Rules

 

Parents should teach their children values, morals, traditions, and house rules. This is in addition to explaining the limits of their actions and family relationships to keep their behavior in harmony with society. For example, from a religious viewpoint, they have to be taught the concept of Halal (something that is lawful and permitted in Islam) and Haram (something that is unlawful and not permitted in Islam). Therefore, being dutiful to parents is an obligation while disobeying them is Haram. Similarly, harming a neighbor is Haram, cheating is Haram and so on. From a social perspective, children have to be taught that going to a wedding wearing gym clothes is socially unacceptable and the same goes for standing in front of houses and girl schools since this leads to confusedness, and the like. As for house rules, they have to know that they can`t go out without permission, they have to disclose where they are going, they aren`t allowed to be late, and the like. This makes their life well-ordered and their behavior can be controlled and steered in the right direction. 

 

Reward and Punishment

 

This system is imperative and indispensable. If the child follows or breaks the system of moral values, ethics, and laws, his/her behavior must be rectified by the system of reward and punishment. Reward upon adherence and punishment upon non-adherence. Here, punishment refers to blaming the child, then depriving him/her from what he likes or desires. This could even take the form of not speaking to him/her temporarily, in addition to other peaceful methods that aim to rectify bad behavior not to exact punishment.

 

If these instructions are followed, parents will definitely reap the fruits of their good upbringing and have a strong relationship with their children in the sense that the father and the mother become their companions and friends leading the family to be a productive member of society.

 

 

 

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Summarized Fatawaa

Is the Saying "Whatever is Taken by the Sword of Shyness is Forbidden" an Authentic Ḥadīth?

All praise is due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our master the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
The saying "Whatever is taken by the sword of shyness is forbidden" is not an authentic ḥadīth, though its underlying meaning is sound. The established sharʿī principle is that a Muslim's wealth is not lawful for anyone to take except with his wholehearted consent, as Allah the Almighty says {what means}: "O you who have believed, do not consume one another's wealth unjustly, but only [in lawful] business by mutual consent." [Al-Nisā/ 29] And the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: "Listen to me and you will live well: do not wrong others, do not wrong others, do not wrong others. Indeed, a man's wealth is not lawful except with his full, willing consent." (Reported by Aḥmad in his Musnad.) Whatever is taken through the pressure of shyness or social embarrassment runs directly counter to genuine, wholehearted consent.
The jurists have explicitly stated that whatever is taken by means of the "sword of shyness" carries the same ruling as that which is taken by coercion — it must be returned to its rightful owner.
Ibn Ḥajar al-Haytamī, may Allah have mercy upon him, states in al-Fatāwā al-Kubrā (Vol.3/P.30): "Do you not see the reported scholarly consensus that whoever has something taken from him purely out of shyness, without his genuine consent, does not pass ownership of it to the one who took it? They reasoned that this constitutes a form of coercion through the 'sword of shyness,' comparable to coercion at the point of an actual sword. Indeed, many people would rather submit to the literal sword and endure the pain of its wound than submit to this first kind of coercion, out of fear for their dignity and standing — which people of sound judgment hold dear and guard most fiercely." And Allah the Almighty knows best.

What is the ruling of Islamic Law on the prayer of zawal?

 

All praise is due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our master the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
It is recommended (sunnah) to pray four rakʿāt — either with a single tasleem or as two separate sets of two rakʿāt — immediately following the sun's decline from its zenith (zawāl). This prayer is distinct from the regular Sunnah prayer of Ẓuhr (sunnat al-ẓuhr al-rātibah), as explicitly stated by the Shāfiʿī jurists.
It is mentioned in Nihāyat al-Muḥtāj: "The prayer of zawāl is offered after the sun's decline — so were one to perform it before that, it would not count. It consists of two or four rakʿāt and is distinct from the Sunnah of Ẓuhr, as is evident from the fact that it is mentioned separately after the regular Sunnah prayers, and it becomes a make-up prayer (qaḍāʾ) if a long period of time passes by customary reckoning... Al-ʿAlqamī stated: 'Scholars refer to this as the Sunnah of Zawāl, and it is distinct from the four rakʿāt that constitute the Sunnah of Ẓuhr.' Our shaykh said: Al-Ḥāfiẓ al-ʿIrāqī stated that among those who explicitly affirmed its recommendation was al-Ghazālī in al-Iḥyāʾ, in the chapter on devotional litanies, noting that there is no tasleem between them — meaning there is no break between each pair of rakʿāt."
The time of the sun's decline (zawāl) marks the very beginning of the time for the Ẓuhr prayer.
And Allah the Almighty knows best.

What is the ruling of Islamic Law on selling gold or silver in installments or for a differed price?

Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.
 
It is prohibited (haram) to sell gold or silver in installments or for a deferred price; rather, immediate hand-to-hand exchange (Taqabud) is mandatory, otherwise, it is considered usury (Riba). The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: 'Gold for gold, silver for silver, wheat for wheat, barley for barley, dates for dates, and salt for salt—like for like, hand to hand. Whoever increases or asks for an increase has engaged in Riba; the receiver and the giver are the same in this regard.' (Narrated by Muslim). Furthermore, when exchanging new gold for used gold, they must be of equal weight, or it falls into Riba.
 
The permissible solution (al-makhraj) is for the merchant to purchase the used gold for cash first, and then sell the new gold for cash in a separate transaction. However, the price must be paid during the sitting of the contract (Majlis al-Aqd) for both deals. Alternatively, the jeweler may take the used gold with the intent of remodeling or repairing it, and then charge a fee for the craftsmanship or repair work. And Allah the Exalted knows best."

What is the ruling of Islamic Law on performing ṭawāf on the upper floors of al-Masjid al-Ḥarām, given that these floors are situated above the level of the Ka‘bah, and that the one performing ṭawāf passes by certain barriers, such as pillars and walls, during the ṭawāf?

All praise is due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our master, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.
There are numerous conditions for the validity of ṭawāf (circumambulation around the Ka‘bah), among them: that the one performing ṭawāf be inside the Masjid (al-Masjid al-Ḥarām) — even if the Masjid has been expanded, so long as the expansion does not extend out into al-ḥill (land outside the sanctuary boundaries). It suffices for the ṭawāf to be performed in the airspace of the Masjid or upon its roof, even if that roof is higher than the Ka‘bah (the House) itself.
Al-Khaṭīb ash-Shirbīnī (raḥimahullāh) said: "It [ṭawāf] is valid upon the roof of the Masjid, even if the roof of the Masjid is higher than the House — just as prayer [is valid] upon Mount Abū Qubays despite its elevation above the House. This is the relied-upon (mu‘tamad) position." [Mughnī al-Muḥtāj, Vol.2/P.246]
The validity of the tawaf isn`t affected by the pillars and walls standing between the one performing ṭawāf and the House, since the condition is only that the person performing ṭawāf be within the boundaries of the Masjid and outside the boundaries of the Ka‘bah itself.
Ash-Shirbīnī said: "It [ṭawāf] is valid inside the Masjid, even if it is expanded, and even if a barrier stands between the one circumambulating and the House — such as a water-supply structure (saqāyah) or pillars (sawārī)." [Mughnī al-Muḥtāj, Vol. 2/P.246]
Accordingly, ṭawāf performed on the upper floors is valid, and the presence of barriers such as pillars and walls during the ṭawāf does not affect its validity. And Allah, the Exalted, knows best.

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