Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?
Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.
Is it permissible for a wife to refuse to go to bed with her husband (for sexual intercourse)?
It isn`t permissible for her to do so unless for a sound reason.
Does post-natal bleeding (Nifas) stop before forty days after childbirth?
Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon our Master, the Messenger of Allah.
Yes, post-natal bleeding (Nifas) can cease before the completion of forty days. If the bleeding stops completely and its return is not expected, the woman has attained ritual purity (Taharah), even if forty days have not yet passed. And Allah the Exalted knows best.
What is the ruling on wiping the white area behind the ears instead of wiping the head?
The obligation in ablution is to wipe some of the head; it is not a condition to wipe all of it. Wiping the white area behind the ears suffices for that. And Allah the almighty knows best.