Is washing the private part after urinating (Istinjaa`) a condition, and is it done with water and soap, or with water only?
Istinjaa` is obligatory for removing impurity, and it can be done with toilet paper, or a stone, or water. It is preferable to do Istinjaa` first with paper, or stone, or the like, then to wash the private part with water until making sure that the impurity has been removed. Using soap is not a condition, but there is no harm in doing so provided that it is washed off with water. It is also permissible to use either water, or paper if impurity is removed by any.
Is it permissible to listen to chants praising the Prophet if accompanied by musical instruments?
If singing, or chanting in praise of the Prophet was accompanied by a forbidden musical instrument, then it is forbidden.
What is the ruling on visiting a deceased's grave and supplicating Allah for him by his wife? Is the reward of reciting verses of the Holy Qur'an reaches the deceased?
There is no harm on visiting graveyard by woman with the intention of piety so long as they are dressed in accordance to the Islamic teachings. We ask Allah, The Almighty that the reward of reciting the Holy Qur'an on dedicated to the deceased reaches him. And Allah Knows Best.
Is it permissible for a wife to give her money to her family as a charity, or a gift without asking her husband, or seeking his consent?
The wife has the right to give her money as a charity, or a gift to her family, or to other people after consulting her husband out of respect, and this is the meaning of treating on footing of kindness and equity. Therefore, if he wanted to stop her from helping her family, then there is no harm in not telling him.