All perfect praise be to Allah the Lord of the Worlds. May Allah`s peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Mohammad and upon all his family and companions.
Marriage is a contract that Allah the Exalted described as a "solemn covenant" (An-Nisa`:21). Due to the gravity of this covenant, it must be preceded by an engagement period (khitbah), which serves as a promise or request for marriage, allowing both parties to consider each other closely while demonstrating sincerity and seriousness in pursuing marriage.
Islam has honored women immensely and elevated their status. Among the manifestations of this honor is that a woman should be proposed to in her home, in the presence of her guardians. A commendable custom in many Muslim societies—one that aligns with Islamic principles—is for a respectable delegation (including elders and honorable figures) to visit the woman’s family to formally propose. This practice reflects respect for the woman, upholds her dignity, and preserves her honor.
Women should adhere to customs and norms that protect their dignity and status. They should not accept proposals in public spaces, away from the presence of their guardians and family, as doing so diminishes the high status that Islam has granted them.
As for the suitor shaking hands with the woman he intends to marry, embracing her, or kissing her—whether in public or in private—all of this is forbidden before the marriage contract is finalized. If Allah has commanded both genders to lower their gaze, how much more serious are actions beyond that? Allah says {what means}: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity..." (An-Nur:30-31). Moreover, public norms generally reject such behavior even between married couples in front of others.
Openly engaging in these forbidden acts constitutes a public display of sin, which is an additional wrongdoing. Such behavior indicates a lack of modesty before Allah and His creation. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Faith has over seventy branches, and modesty is a branch of faith." (Bukhari & Muslim). He also said: "Modesty is part of faith." (Bukhari & Muslim)
Whoever commits these indecent and immoral acts must sincerely repent to Allah by abandoning them, feeling remorse, and resolving never to repeat them—for Allah loves those who repent.
In conclusion, before marriage, a suitor is prohibited from doing what is forbidden for any non-mahram, such as touching, kissing, or embracing his fiancée, because engagement alone does not make the impermissible permissible. The customs governing a woman’s engagement must be observed to preserve her dignity and honor. A marriage contract is only valid when all its conditions are fulfilled. And Allah the Almighty knows best.
