Date : 28-12-2021

Question :

Am I permitted as a wife to hold off my husband from fasting every Monday and Wednesday of each week, because this effects my life in general and the marital life in particular?

The Answer :

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of The Worlds, and may His peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all of his family and companions.

  The relationship between the spouses should take place on the basis of love, mercy and tranquility, as they are the corner stone of a marital life in general and by which real happiness exists and a family is to be established , because Allah, The Most Exalted, said (What means):" And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect." [Ar-Rum/30]. In addition, a relation comes into being through distribution of responsibilities and verifying the normal/genuine nature of one another .i.e. the husband is the guardian of his family and responsible for it and the woman is a guardian of her husband's house and responsible for it. This is based on what the Prophet (PBUH) said (What means):" every one of you is a guardian, and responsible for what is in his custody. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects and responsible for them; a husband is a guardian of his family and is responsible for it; a lady is a guardian of her husband's house and is responsible for it, and a servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it." [Related by Al-Bukhary].

  Accordingly, if any of the spouses has a legal right due upon the other then the one whose right is neglected is permitted to ask and notify the other party in this regard; especially, if harm resulted by the latter party then the former is permitted to express dissatisfaction by initiating an argument with him with the best and most gracious ways and by observing wisdom .i.e. if the wife was emotionally hurt as a result of performing supererogatory fasting by the husband, then she is permitted to speak with him about it. On his part, the husband should keen on the chastity of his wife in order not to commit adultery and obliged to fulfill her desires and arousal whenever she asked for it. In this regard, Salman went to visit Abu Ad-Darda, and saw Umm Ad-Darda wearing shabby clothes, so he said: 'Why are you wearing such shabby clothes?' She said: 'Your brother Abu Ad-Darda has no interest in the world.' So when Abu Ad-Darda arrived, he prepared some food for him (Salman) and said: 'Eat, for I am fasting.' He said: 'I shall not eat until you eat.'" He said: "So he ate. When night came Abu Ad-Darda started to leave and stand (in prayer), but Salman said to him: 'Sleep.' So he slept. Then he went to stand (in prayer) but he said to him: 'Sleep'. So he slept. When the morning (Fajr) came,Salman said: 'Get up now.'So he got up to perform Salat. Then he (Salman) said: 'Indeed your self has a right upon you, your Lord has a right upon you, your guest has a right upon you, and your family has a right upon you. So give each the right they are due. The Prophet (s.a.w), and that was mentioned to him, so he said: 'Salman has told the truth." [Related by At-Tirmithi].

  Besides, it is stated:" If the wife asked her husband to fulfill her needs in bed or vice versa then both are obliged to fulfill the needs of the other whenever he/she asked for it willingly and cheerfully as Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behaviour, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives". [Related by Ahmad]. [Al-Majmoaa' Sharih Al-Mohathab vol.16 pp.415].


  Moreover, Islamic Sharia considered fulfilling the desires of the wife and observing her chastity by her husband is of the charitable acts for which he will be rewarded for, because Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: Some people from amongst the Companions of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), "O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with the rewards; they pray as we pray, they fast as we fast, and they give [much] in charity by virtue of their wealth." He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Has not Allah made things for you to give in charity? Truly every tasbeehah [saying: 'subhan-Allah'] is a charity, and every takbeerah [saying: 'Allahu akbar'] is a charity, and every tahmeedah [saying: 'al-hamdu lillah'] is a charity, and every tahleelah [saying: 'laa ilaha illAllah'] is a charity. And commanding the good is a charity, and forbidding an evil is a charity, and in the bud`i [sexual act] of each one of you there is a charity." They said, "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his carnal desire will he have some reward for that?" He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Do you not see that if he were to act upon it [his desire] in an unlawful manner then he would be deserving of punishment? Likewise, if he were to act upon it in a lawful manner then he will be deserving of a reward." [Muslim].

  Finally, similar disagreements between spouses solved through mutual understanding and consent while observing the circumstances of the other by choosing the right moments to ask for fulfilling one's sexual desire . At the same time, he/she who ask for fulfilling it, should facilitate  performing supererogatory acts of worship performed by one of the spouse and give a helping hand to him/her as regards offering those acts to Allah, The Most Exalted since the one who helps the other in this regard, will be rewarded as well by Allah, The Almighty, The Majestic. And Allah Knows Best.