Tips for a Happy Family

Author : Dr. Hassan Abu_Arqoub

Date Added : 08-12-2022


Dear husband,


In the beginning, we ask Allah to shower you and your wife with His blessings. We take the opportunity to remind you with the following pieces of advice from Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) to ensure happiness of your household and continued love between you and your wife:


1- Your wife is a trust with you and you will be held accountable for this trust Before Almighty Allah, so fear Allah while treating your wife. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Treat women kindly, they are like captives in your hands…." {Al-Tirmithi}. Moreover, he (PBUH) warned against wronging women where he said: "O Allah, I declare inviolable the rights of two weak ones: the orphans and women" [Ahmad & Ibn Majah and graded its chain of narrators by a sound one].


2- Good character and nobility are among the characteristics of the believers, so embrace them. Don`t be mean to your wife and consider her good characteristics. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "A believer must not hate (his wife) believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another." [Moslim].


3- Patience and tolerance are attributes that prolong love between spouses, so make sure to embrace them. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." {Al- Tirmithi}.

4- Jealousy for the wife is a sign of faith and love. Because The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Are you surprised at Sa'd's jealousy of his honour? By Allah, I am more jealous of my honour than he, and Allah is more jealous than I." {Moslim}.


5- Suspicion and mistrust lead to spying and consequently breakdown of the family, so avoid them, because Allah The Almighty Said {What means}: "O ye who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful." [Al-Hujurat/12].


6- Observe forbearance and kindness when dealing with your wife; especially in the event of her slipping or making a mistake. Try to be of mature thought and keen on preserving your family and home.  Since the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Whenever forbearance is added to something, it adorns it; and whenever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it defective." [Moslim].


7- Spend on your wife with kindness and you will have your reward from Allah. Since The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "Whatever you spend seeking thereby The Pleasure of Allah, will have its reward, even the morsel which you put in the mouth of your wife". [Agreed upon].


8- The right of the wife upon husband is to provide her with food, drink or garment whenever he provides himself with any of these. The Prophet (PBUH) was asked: "Messenger of God, what right can any wife demand of her husband?" He replied: "That you should give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, not strike her on the face, and do not revile her or separate from her except in the house." [Transmitted by Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah].


9- Fiqh (Islamic Jurisprudence) is a necessity, so learn from it how to deal with your wife, your mutual rights and obligations, and teach these rules to her if she doesn`t know them.


10- Revealing wife`s secrets is both immoral and forbidden, so eschew such cowardly act, since The Prophet (PBUH) said: "The worst of people in position before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then spreads her secrets." [Moslim].


In conclusion, chivalry dictates that spouses overlook each other's slips and mistakes in case of separation and divorce. A righteous man was once asked: "What do you dislike about your wife?" He replied: "A prudent person doesn`t reveal a secret." When he divorced her, he was asked: "Why did you divorce her?" He said: "She isn`t my wife any more, she is a stranger to me."







Dear Wife,


In the beginning, we ask Allah to shower you and your husband with His blessings. We take the opportunity to remind you with the following pieces of advice from Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) to ensure happiness of your household and continued love between you and your husband:


1- Contentment and satisfaction with little, so avoid driving your husband to means of illicit gains. Some women of the righteous predecessors used to tell their husbands when they were about to leave home: "Avoid illicit means of gain for we can endure hunger but can`t endure Hell fire!"


2- Wife must obey husband in that which is lawful, so eschew disobeying him, raising your voice when speaking to him, and complaining to your family about him. Al-Husayn Ibn Muhsan reported that his aunt came to the Prophet for a need, and when she finished, the Prophet asked her: "Do you have a husband?" She replied: "Yes." He said: "How do you treat him?” She replied: "I try to fulfill all his rights upon me unless I am unable to do so.” Thereupon, he  said: "Look to how you are with respect to him, for he is your Heaven or Hell (i.e. you will be admitted to Paradise or thrown into hell according to the way you treat him)." [Ahmad and Nasa`ei].


3- The right of husband upon wife takes precedence over the rights of all her relatives. In the event of conflict between these rights, give priority to the rights of your husband and you are cleared from liability before Allah. This is because, after Allah and His Messenger, the greatest rights upon wife are the husband`s. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband". [At-Tirmidhi graded it as a sound authentic narration, to stress the greatness of his right (The husband on her (The wife].


4- It is the right of husband upon wife that she preserves his wealth, so don`t take anything out of his house without his permission. Even if you want to give to charity, from his money, you must ask for his permission, and you will have the same reward as his. However, if you didn`t obtain his permission, then he will be rewarded for that charity, and you will be burdened for the sin.


5- Beware of evil female friends and neighbors who seek to sow discord between you and your husband. Such women could lead to the destruction of your family and make your husband hate you.


6- Endure the harm of your husband and deal with him wisely when he is in a state of anger for you will reap the fruit of this at the times he is pleased with you. You should bear in mind that pride and obstinacy aggravate problems between you and him, so shun these qualities out and save your family.


7- When your husband calls you to his bed, obey him unless you have a lawful excuse for not doing so. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and thus he spends the night angry with her, the angels continue cursing her till the morning." [Agreed upon].


8- It is forbidden to describe the details of a woman`s figure to your husband since the Prophet (PBUH) forbade such an act. As he (PBUH) said: "No woman should touch another woman's body and then describe the details of her figure to her husband in such a manner as if he was looking at her." {Agreed upon}.




Tips to Parents:


Dear parents, if you want your children to live happily, take the following pieces of advice into account:


1- When a man who doesn`t observe the obligatory prayers proposes to your daughter; turn him down because she is a trust with you. Therefore, it is your duty to choose for her the best husband in terms of righteousness and piety. Thus, the man who abandoned prayer is no match for her because abandoning prayer out of laziness is evil doing and out of denial is disbelief. This is because The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Between a man and disbelief and paganism is the abandonment of Salat (prayer)." [Moslim]. Moreover, Allah's Messenger (PBUH) said: "The covenant between us and them is prayer, so if anyone abandons it he has become an infidel." [Transmitted by Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Nissaee'i and Ibn Majah].


2- Interfering in your children`s private life may disturb it, so do that at the right time to make reconciliation and save family from breakdown.


3- Corrupting the relation between husband and wife is forbidden since The Prophet (PBUH) said: "He who makes a wife disaffected towards her husband or a slave towards his master is not one of us." [Abu Dawood].